Time, Pressure, and Patience

After coming home from the hospital with his health scare around 5 weeks old, things seemed pretty quiet, medically/illness-speaking. He had pretty continuous congestion, but we didn't think much of it, saying it was the winter sick season anyway.

Looking back, I think Heavenly Father was giving us a break with his health for a little while so we could focus on other things. At that time of a "break," we were not relaxing, for sure. Jonald (my husband) had interviewed for a new job while we were in the hospital when Kal was born, and he started that new job one day before Kal had been admitted into the hospital. His new job was much farther away from home than his previous one, so we had been house hunting. After a little while, we found what seemed to be the perfect house, and after wrestling with paperwork for the rest of the time, we were finally able to move in when Kal was about 10 weeks old.

Not even a week after moving into our new home, Kal had an ear infection. We had to drive back down to our old town to see his pediatrician during after-hours, since we had not found a new pediatrician in our town yet. My thoughts (Facebook post) at that point:

"Poor baby. He's stuck with a fever again, this time with an ear infection. Sick babies break my heart." -Elisha

With some antibiotics, his infection was all cleared up in a short time. On the last day of his antibiotics, he went to have his 2 month well-baby check up and to have his immunizations.

A few days later, a couple random bumps showed up in his neck area, along with a fever. Then a couple on his face, and then a couple more on his arm. After a few days, the rash had spread to his legs and eventually the top of his head and on to his chest. Kal seemed super achey during that first couple of weeks. At that point, I still had not found a new pediatrician in our new area, so with this rash, I ended up driving an hour down and an hour back, about two or three times a week, when the rash was at it's worst. At first, his doctor wasn't too concerned. Then, as the rashes spread, at every appointment, he would send us down to the lab to get loads of blood tests done. Nothing came back with an answer to his rashes, other than that his inflammatory levels and white blood cell counts were extremely high, which basically meant he had an infection of some sort. (Well, gee, thanks doc, I would've guessed that anyway by all the hundreds of bumps all over his body... haha).

That whole process of going back and forth so often to the doctor and having more and more lab tests was exhausting. There was one day that Kal screamed the entire hour down to the doctor. And no, I don't mean like the normal, "Wahh, wahh" cry or fussing. I mean the, "MOM! I AM SO ANGRY AT YOU AND THERE'S NOTHING THAT WILL MAKE ME CHANGE MY MIND (except maybe your boob, haha)-END OF THE WORLD" bloody-murder type of crying. Holy moly! All I could do was turn up the radio and try to block most of it out so I wouldn't end up in a car accident from my nerves reaching a breaking point.

I vowed then and there that when this rash would subside, I would find a new pediatrician MUCH closer to home. I just couldn't handle it all anymore.

After a month and a half or so, his rashes finally cleared up! It was actually kind of funny to see me and my husband's reaction when we could finally feel his soft skin again. Because his cheek was the first area to start clearing up, we kept touching his cheek over and over and over again and saying, "Oh! I forgot how soft his skin is! It's like... baby soft! Oh, it's so nice."

Then the bills rolled in. OHHH the bills. Who knew that ONE LIST of blood tests could cost $4,000?! And might I mention, that was only from one time of blood tests. That didn't include the other days of blood tests and sick appointments that were involved with the whole process. Yeah, and that high deductible plan for our health insurance was really fun to meet. Haha, oh how naiive I was back then. I can't even imagine how people with higher deductible plans or worse health insurance even afford procedures more involved than blood tests. Luckily, we met our deductible in April with other doctor's visits that we don't have to second guess if we should run to the doctor at a moment's notice. Whoop whoop! You know, sometimes people tend to feel bad when I say we've met our deductible for the year already, but really, it's such a relief. And, with what Kal has now, at the first sign of illness, we need to let his doctor know. So, we're having fun racking up those doctor's bills that are being sent over to insurance to cover... Stick it to the MAN! Hahaha, no, but really.

Throughout those illnesses, Kal obviously went through quite a few crying sprees. I think, though, through those times that God has blessed me with selective hearing. As crazy as it might sound, I just came to a point where Kal would be screaming right in front of my face, and it was as though I couldn't hear it quite as loud as others could, or at least that I could just bear all the crying and stay calm most of the time. It was as through that strength Heavenly Father gave me was what probably kept me from going crazy most of the time and to stay strong for my kids, just to get through each new day. I was in survival mode- and I needed whatever help I could get to get out of bed every morning and try to love and have patience with my kids the best that I could.

But really, though those times, it was miraculous how, amongst all the crying, Kal would have moments of smiles that would just light up the room. He would light up my heavy, tired heart. There really is something about that cute smile of his. It is as though I can feel the strength and maturity of his soul- his Spirit, and it has a strange affect to calm me amidst stressful times.

 

 "There is no one perfect way to be a good mother... Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children... What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else." --Elder M. Russell Ballard

LOVE this.

Sources of Strength in Our First Puzzle Piece

“If our view is limited to mortal life, some things become unbearable because they seem so unfair and so permanent. “ –Boyd K. Packer

When our little man was born, he seemed like an overall healthy baby. His temperature was a little low the first night, but that just meant I got to snuggle with him more with skin-to-skin contact. It was always a precious moment to hold my sleepy newborn, feeling his soft skin next to mine. 

Other than that, he was born with a rash- neonatal pustular melanosis. He literally had a rash when he came out. This kind of rash is apparently much more common in African American babies, but, leave it to my son to beat the odds of most things. Haha! Although it got worse a few days after birth, it resolved on its own within a couple of weeks.

Things stayed pretty normal for a few weeks after coming home from the hospital- at least, as normal as they could be with a newborn in the home. 

At about 5 weeks old, Kal suddenly had a fever one night. Jonald watched him in the night for a couple hours while I got some rest, but he awoke me when his fever seemed as though it would not break on its own. With a temperature of 101, we headed to the Emergency Room. Thank goodness my little sister had flown in to visit that very night- a few hours before his fever showed up- and was staying at our apartment. That was truly a miracle that she could be there during the night so she could stay at home while Kayelee (our daughter) slept. That was among out first sign of many to come that Heavenly Father is always looking out for us!

Upon arriving at the E.R., they began a whole laundry list of tests. Everything came back negative, so we were told we would most likely be sent home that night. The nurse just wanted to check his temperature one more time before we left. When she did that, his temperature was up at 102 degrees, and at that point, she said she could not let us go home and that we would have to stay the night at the hospital, and that they would have to perform more tests.

My heart sank. Here we were, my husband and I, watching this tiny, helpless baby, our baby, being poked and prodded everywhere. Other than several blood tests, Kal also had to have an X-ray, a catheter put up in him to get a urine sample, and a spinal tap. Let me tell you, for the spinal tap, it's not a good feeling to sign a consent form to have a doctor do something that could possibly paralyze your child. And if all of those things weren't enough, his veins were too little that they had to put his IV into a vein in his head. Poor little guy! :( 

It was completely exhausting hearing your child scream in pain when all you wanted to do is help. But, on the other hand, you knew the only way you could truly help your child in that moment was to step back and let the doctors do their procedures... oh, and try not to pass out on the floor amidst everything. 

For the most part, we were at a loss for words. But, occasionally we could muster up our feelings verbally on Facebook posts. I can still feel the ache in my soul as I look back and read those words and see the pictures of our little man during that hospital stay.

"As a parent, nothing hurts more than seeing our month-old baby getting poked all over his body for some tests. I couldn't bear the pain every time I see the IV stuck in his head to administer drugs. I would trade places in a heart beat! It just hurts! It hurts a lot! Please pray for our little baby!" - Jonald

"On this Thanksgiving Day, I am brought to deep humility and gratitude for my sweet little family. I have such a wonderful, patient husband, Jonald, and Kayelee is such a sweet, spunky daughter. And, our little son Kal's health has improved tremendously over the past 18 hours or so. We were told we will have to stay another day or two here in the hospital while waiting for more lab work to come in to see what was the cause of his high fever. In the meantime, he's still hooked up to an IV and has rounds of 4 types of antivirals and antibiotics, but we're so happy Kal is mostly acting like his old self again. God is good! Happy Thanksgiving, my family and friends!" - Elisha

"Just talked to Kal's on-call pediatrician and we're going to have to stay another day and have more lab work done. We're still waiting on some of the cultures to show any answers. He's getting an IV put in for the 3rd time because it's at a weird angle on his head and keeps moving out of place and getting kinked under his skin. Poor thing. Other than that, though, he's acting mostly back to normal, so I can't complain too much." - Elisha

"After 4 days with Kal in the hospital, WE'RE HOME! They still are not exactly sure what virus caused his fever and other symptoms, but guessed whatever it was must have caused some viral meningitis. His inflammatory and white blood cell count have gone way down, meaning his infection must be subsiding and no fever. I'm SO grateful for all your likes, comments, and messages of incredible love and concern. It literally brought tears to my eyes to feel surrounded by so much love for our sweet son and family. Thanks be to our wonderful Heavenly Father and to all of you!" - Elisha

As you can probably tell from the comments above, we ended up staying at the hospital through the Thanksgiving holiday. We waited, and waited, and waited for his blood cultures to come back with any sort of results, to no avail, and had to end up staying 4 days in the hospital. The worst part was probably the fact that his IV kept getting kinked under his skin, so he had to have an IV put in his head two more times! The only humor I could find in the situation was that the nurses and I all agreed that he looked like a unicorn with the IV sticking so straight up on his head. It just added to his pitiful, but extremely cuteness factor look, for sure!

After the first day, Kal ended up being the only patient in the whole Ped's (Pediatric) Unit during the rest of our stay. The nurses were angels! They would come in and check on us, even if it wasn't their routine check for Kal's vitals. There were a couple nurses in particular that went above and beyond to take their time and talk to me, as I would be alone occasionally in the room if Jonald had to go grab something to eat or take care of Kayelee at home. There was even a mother and daughter that were both nurses on that floor, but worked on different shifts. When the mother (who had worked with Kal) had gone home but her daughter was working with Kal on her shift, she would even call her daughter to check on Kal's progress and see how he was doing. Bless their sweet hearts! I swear, it takes a special kind of person to be a nurse, especially those that really have their hearts in their job like that. Their love for our baby radiated throughout the room and gave me the strength to not crumble to the floor and/or slip into depression (literally, I've been there before with slight postpartum depression after my daughter was born). 

When our world seemed to be crumbling and the lab results kept coming in negative, those nurses were there for us. Some of those nurses literally felt like extended family, and I wish I could truly thank them for their boundless love for us, complete strangers. 

The other source of strength we received was from all the calls, messages, prayers, and notes sent our way from family, friends, and even mere acquaintances. The amount of love and mental/spiritual support we received was almost overwhelming, and hard to comprehend most of the time. 

As hard as it was to see Kal endure through that process, it was amazing to see his recovery. One day he hardly wanted to wake up to eat more than a couple minutes, and the next day he was almost back to his old self again. Miracles are real, and I cannot deny that they happen. 

After it all, the lab results still all came back negative, which made the doctor conclude that he most likely had viral meningitis and that it had resolved on it's own. We were extremely grateful our baby had recovered so quickly, was discharged, and sent home with us! We settled back into our normal routine, happily (and naiively) thinking the worst medical days and experiences were behind us. It turns out this was merely the first puzzle piece on a complicated road ahead.

What's in a Name?

If you follow my other family blog, you already know that our sweet Kal decided to meet us a little earlier than his due date. He was born at 37 weeks, 2 days, which is certainly nothing to complain about. He was definitely in a rush to get here, though, saying that I gave birth a mere 2 hours or so after I woke up in the middle of the night with painful contractions and my water breaking. 

In the weeks/months before he was born, we were still undecided of what to name him. We liked the name Kal, but wanted to keep our options open just in case. I heard the name Kal when Jonald and I went to the movie theater to watch the new Superman movie. Superman's name on his original planet, by his birth parents, was Kal-El. In that moment of hearing that name, I grabbed Jonald's arm and said, "Kal! That's a cute name! Let's name our baby Kal." It was a half-meant joke, but after that, the name kinda stuck. 

When our sweet boy was born, the nurse asked what we were going to name him, and Kal just seemed right. Little did we know that there was going to be more meaning behind his name, coming from a Superman movie, than we had originally thought.